Date: Wed, Apr 14, 1995 11:24 PM EST
From: HTO2.aol.com
Subj: Really Rotten Cup of Vending Machine Coffee [c95.4.14; v95.5.27]
To: --Email to family--

-- ASSERTIVENESS --

Lunch break, I sit at my desk with a really rotten cup of vending machine coffee. Im going to let it get cold in protest over how really rotten it is.

INTERPRETATION 1: We know who's boss.
INTERPRETATION 2: A fool and his money are soon parted.

-- DISCORD --

Banished to corner of desk with backlog of unread office memos and to- do notes, ripples of really rotten coffee slap edge of paper cup. Is it an aftershock, or is something more evil afoot?

INTERPRETATION 1: Paper caldron of castigated witches really rotten coffee stewing and brewing, toiling in malcontent yet temporarily deprived of revenge, awaits opportunity.
INTERPRETATION 2: Paper cup littered with strange English: "Enjoy COFFEE, Its a beautiful time" thwarts really rotten coffee from doing a nasty on my paperwork.

-- MANAGEMENT --

General manager A precedes senior manager B precedes special responsibility manager C precedes section manager D into room. A straggler, assistant manager E, enters and positions himself at his desk, a really rotten cup of vending machine coffee hot in his hand. Fingers careful not to feel bite of un-insulated paper cup's rendition of really rotten coffee heat, he deposits it next to a telephone. Wisps of really rotten coffee steam rise, twirl and fall upon unsuspecting phone. Panicked, phone rings. Assistant manager E slashes through billowing clouds of really rotten coffee miasma to render mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to suddenly silent phone.

INTERPRETATION 1: Heroic action is as heroic action does.
INTERPRETATION 2: Low man answers phone.

-- COMMUNICATION --

Sensing possible gaseous conspiracy, I place my cold, sickly, really rotten coffee on company employee G's desk. In this office, our desks are together and appear as one large table. They are not cordoned off by chin-high dividers tastefully softened in pastel burlap; no sense of YOUR SPACE personalized by Far Sides or Butt Heads, pictures of dog or cat or significant other. Only minute gaps in desktop glass mark divisions of territorial responsibility held by company employee G, assistant manager E, section manager D, special responsibility manager C and senior manager B. Of course, general manager A's desk is separate and positioned to discourage window-outward wandering staff eyes.

INTERPRETATION 1: This arrangement facilitates communication.
INTERPRETATION 2: This arrangement destroys concentration and causes hair loss.
INTERPRETATION 3: General manager spoils a great view of Kobe quake epicenter 2 miles across channel.

-- RESOLUTION --

Lunch break over, abandoned cup of really rotten vending machine coffee seeks enlightenment, ponders whether unconsumed coffee can truly coffee be. Sound of one-hand clapping fills room as coffee melds with under-lying unread memo requesting employees not to drink coffee at their desks. Transformation causes keys of nearby word processor to become sticky and jam in middle of subsequent memo reminding employees to please read, sign and pass on all intra-office memos.

INTERPRETATION 1: Something productive occurred at my desk today.
INTERPRETATION 2: Unfettered by paper-waste guilt, Email writers pursue drivel wantonly.

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